whats that strange feeling????

Hmmmmmmm, I feel strange - I feel hopeful and calm, tis most strange, since Stewbertina ballerina had the snip, I feel different......................... almost relieved, my baby making days are done - now we move forward, I'm looking at college courses either an access to nursing or an access to higher education with a view to either Nursing or Radiography ( with then a view to ante-natal ultrasound) to be honest over the last 10 days or so I have had 3 people ask me if i'm a nurse, so that has gotten the cogs turning. I want to do something and be something my kids will be proud of me for.

I feel giddy, i have a fluttery feeling inside, but I am going to take little steps one at a time, starting with the access courses, I dont want to get all giddy as envitably if i get excited and run with it, a giant spanner appears in the works


watch this space

ok motivation starts now!

I have been looking into how you start running, so i briskly walked to church this morning (thought i better show my face) then brisk walked/ran back TBH it was more walking as i just couldnt seem to run,and i cant jog at all, i either have to run like the devils after me or walk, its reet strange!!!! it didnt help that a lovely lady called Dorothy gave me a bag of stuff for Abbie, so i tried to run bag in hand :roll: and ended up shoving it down my fleece so it i looked pregnant again lol

had a reading with Marilyn last night, she told me all about the diabetes i have, she also said that she can see problems with blood pressure ( i have 3 kids what do you expect!!!)and colestrol too and that there will be a change of medication too ( i'm being re checked in july if my sugars have risen then i start metformin and statins) so motivated saz starts now!

Proud blog!!!

My little brother ladies and gentlemen! last night he won the inspirational team leader of the year at the Lancashire Police awards held at Hutton. He is an acting sargent for the specials, everything he does is totally voluntary, he organises nights out for his team and makes sure they are really well looked after, he was nominated by his Inspector and one of the Police Officers he works with and it was voted on by 3 independant Police Officers from other divisions. He knew he was going to the awards do, but had no idea he was up for one :0)

And this is the boy who at school was told he was thick and stupid (he is dyslexic), i think he has showed them!!!!!!

My Brain hurts - whinge alert!!!! whinge alert!!!!!!!

why do i just use my blog to whinge???? i must admit getting it all down on *paper* does tend to stop it all milling around my head and getting all caught up in the fluff thats in there!

had my dietitians appointment yesterday, it went well till she put me on the scales, so at 15.20pm fully dressed and wearing my lovely comfy boots i weighed the grand total of 15st 4lb 8oz, fat fat fucker!!! seriously seriously gutted, i have never been this big, i could cry if i think about it too much :0(

I'm also having a crisis of faith - I know what i believe i just dont know what to call it, this is basically what i believe, I believe that Jesus exisited, i dont think he was the son of God, I think he was a comforting, healing spiritual person who brought peace to a great many people, I certainly dont believe the bibles story of how the world started, big bang and mr darwin thank you!

I have seen mediums in the past and what i have got from them no-one outside my family would have known, so i know my family who has past watch over me, everyone has a guardian angel, ever wondered why you got out of bed 10 minutes later then usual then found out there was an accident when you should have been there - thats your angel. I have dabbled in wicca and paganism, i'm a big beliver in the power of mother nature, she is the ultimate goddess in my opinion.

so can you be a believer in jesus and a pagan? am i a christian spiritualist? am i a pantheist? should i become a pastafarian? i am drawn to this from the home page of the unitarians

– in the spirit of civil and religious liberty, equality of respect and
opportunity is for everyone
– everyone has the right to seek truth and
meaning for themselves

i respect all religions, everyone has the right to believe what they want with out fear or loathing, just wish i could find a name for mine aarrgghhhhh

fat git

This is me taken yesterday 19 weeks + 5 days post natal with Pheebz

this was me taken a year ago when i was 5 wks 3 days preggers with pheebz

fat fucker nuff said!!!

i've set myself a goal!!!!!!

Fatty Atty!!!

Good lord, i have put sooooooo much weight on, tis all my own fault, lost loads when i was preggers with Phoebe, but once i stopped the insulin and started eating all what i had to cut back on , i have piled the weight on, I'm now too big for my size 18 stuff and a wee bit too small for size 20. I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, now you would think that would kick start me into sorting my diet out, but I seem to have been having a last hurrah since xmas eve, but I need to sort myself out :(

So far I have been lucky, good blood glucose and cholesterol results means that I can control with diet for now and they will review in July, so I am going to make a really big effort to get back to cutting out the crap, drinking more water and get back to the gym.

I need to do this, for my babies and Stew, and also its Pheebz christening in 4 months and i would like to be able to wear something nice, so thats my goal for now.

Its a bit of a vicious circle really, I look fat and feel crap, so i eat to cheer myself up, and that makes me more fat etc etc etc etc etc



So have been a bit productive today and rung the gym about starting up my membership again, so i just need to pop in at some point and get it sorted, will aim for at least once a week, with hopefully being able to go at least twice, need to get the tape measure out too and measure all the lumpy bits too so i can see them shrink, watch this space........................................