The end is beginning

Nan is in the hospice, she is getting steadily more confused and upset, she is convinced that she has missed P's christening and its upsetting her greatly.

Its so fucking unfair, she is a kind gentle soul and she doesnt deserve this, she should just drift off peacefully and with dignity, she shouldnt be living her final days in confusion and being scared of where she is, she is a very devout methodist lady very steadfast in her faith, I wish I had her convictions and strength of character, lets just say my life has been blessed for the better in knowing Nana Molly.

Shifting the fat ass

so we start!! :0) power walking is my new bezzie mate, Did a large circuit of beaumont/skerton last night and then 30 mins on the wii fit, not going out for a PW tonight, as I have been into town and back today and I am tackling mount st ironing later once the kidlets are in bed, so i think 4-5 power walks and at least 1 gym session a week is do-able or at least i'm going to make it do-able!

ooo ooo oooo managed a little run last night too only 3 lamposts but hey its a start!!! :0)

whats that strange feeling????

Hmmmmmmm, I feel strange - I feel hopeful and calm, tis most strange, since Stewbertina ballerina had the snip, I feel different......................... almost relieved, my baby making days are done - now we move forward, I'm looking at college courses either an access to nursing or an access to higher education with a view to either Nursing or Radiography ( with then a view to ante-natal ultrasound) to be honest over the last 10 days or so I have had 3 people ask me if i'm a nurse, so that has gotten the cogs turning. I want to do something and be something my kids will be proud of me for.

I feel giddy, i have a fluttery feeling inside, but I am going to take little steps one at a time, starting with the access courses, I dont want to get all giddy as envitably if i get excited and run with it, a giant spanner appears in the works


watch this space

ok motivation starts now!

I have been looking into how you start running, so i briskly walked to church this morning (thought i better show my face) then brisk walked/ran back TBH it was more walking as i just couldnt seem to run,and i cant jog at all, i either have to run like the devils after me or walk, its reet strange!!!! it didnt help that a lovely lady called Dorothy gave me a bag of stuff for Abbie, so i tried to run bag in hand :roll: and ended up shoving it down my fleece so it i looked pregnant again lol

had a reading with Marilyn last night, she told me all about the diabetes i have, she also said that she can see problems with blood pressure ( i have 3 kids what do you expect!!!)and colestrol too and that there will be a change of medication too ( i'm being re checked in july if my sugars have risen then i start metformin and statins) so motivated saz starts now!

Proud blog!!!

My little brother ladies and gentlemen! last night he won the inspirational team leader of the year at the Lancashire Police awards held at Hutton. He is an acting sargent for the specials, everything he does is totally voluntary, he organises nights out for his team and makes sure they are really well looked after, he was nominated by his Inspector and one of the Police Officers he works with and it was voted on by 3 independant Police Officers from other divisions. He knew he was going to the awards do, but had no idea he was up for one :0)

And this is the boy who at school was told he was thick and stupid (he is dyslexic), i think he has showed them!!!!!!

My Brain hurts - whinge alert!!!! whinge alert!!!!!!!

why do i just use my blog to whinge???? i must admit getting it all down on *paper* does tend to stop it all milling around my head and getting all caught up in the fluff thats in there!

had my dietitians appointment yesterday, it went well till she put me on the scales, so at 15.20pm fully dressed and wearing my lovely comfy boots i weighed the grand total of 15st 4lb 8oz, fat fat fucker!!! seriously seriously gutted, i have never been this big, i could cry if i think about it too much :0(

I'm also having a crisis of faith - I know what i believe i just dont know what to call it, this is basically what i believe, I believe that Jesus exisited, i dont think he was the son of God, I think he was a comforting, healing spiritual person who brought peace to a great many people, I certainly dont believe the bibles story of how the world started, big bang and mr darwin thank you!

I have seen mediums in the past and what i have got from them no-one outside my family would have known, so i know my family who has past watch over me, everyone has a guardian angel, ever wondered why you got out of bed 10 minutes later then usual then found out there was an accident when you should have been there - thats your angel. I have dabbled in wicca and paganism, i'm a big beliver in the power of mother nature, she is the ultimate goddess in my opinion.

so can you be a believer in jesus and a pagan? am i a christian spiritualist? am i a pantheist? should i become a pastafarian? i am drawn to this from the home page of the unitarians

– in the spirit of civil and religious liberty, equality of respect and
opportunity is for everyone
– everyone has the right to seek truth and
meaning for themselves

i respect all religions, everyone has the right to believe what they want with out fear or loathing, just wish i could find a name for mine aarrgghhhhh

fat git

This is me taken yesterday 19 weeks + 5 days post natal with Pheebz

this was me taken a year ago when i was 5 wks 3 days preggers with pheebz

fat fucker nuff said!!!