Proud blog!!!

My little brother ladies and gentlemen! last night he won the inspirational team leader of the year at the Lancashire Police awards held at Hutton. He is an acting sargent for the specials, everything he does is totally voluntary, he organises nights out for his team and makes sure they are really well looked after, he was nominated by his Inspector and one of the Police Officers he works with and it was voted on by 3 independant Police Officers from other divisions. He knew he was going to the awards do, but had no idea he was up for one :0)

And this is the boy who at school was told he was thick and stupid (he is dyslexic), i think he has showed them!!!!!!

My Brain hurts - whinge alert!!!! whinge alert!!!!!!!

why do i just use my blog to whinge???? i must admit getting it all down on *paper* does tend to stop it all milling around my head and getting all caught up in the fluff thats in there!

had my dietitians appointment yesterday, it went well till she put me on the scales, so at 15.20pm fully dressed and wearing my lovely comfy boots i weighed the grand total of 15st 4lb 8oz, fat fat fucker!!! seriously seriously gutted, i have never been this big, i could cry if i think about it too much :0(

I'm also having a crisis of faith - I know what i believe i just dont know what to call it, this is basically what i believe, I believe that Jesus exisited, i dont think he was the son of God, I think he was a comforting, healing spiritual person who brought peace to a great many people, I certainly dont believe the bibles story of how the world started, big bang and mr darwin thank you!

I have seen mediums in the past and what i have got from them no-one outside my family would have known, so i know my family who has past watch over me, everyone has a guardian angel, ever wondered why you got out of bed 10 minutes later then usual then found out there was an accident when you should have been there - thats your angel. I have dabbled in wicca and paganism, i'm a big beliver in the power of mother nature, she is the ultimate goddess in my opinion.

so can you be a believer in jesus and a pagan? am i a christian spiritualist? am i a pantheist? should i become a pastafarian? i am drawn to this from the home page of the unitarians

– in the spirit of civil and religious liberty, equality of respect and
opportunity is for everyone
– everyone has the right to seek truth and
meaning for themselves

i respect all religions, everyone has the right to believe what they want with out fear or loathing, just wish i could find a name for mine aarrgghhhhh

fat git

This is me taken yesterday 19 weeks + 5 days post natal with Pheebz

this was me taken a year ago when i was 5 wks 3 days preggers with pheebz

fat fucker nuff said!!!

i've set myself a goal!!!!!!

Fatty Atty!!!

Good lord, i have put sooooooo much weight on, tis all my own fault, lost loads when i was preggers with Phoebe, but once i stopped the insulin and started eating all what i had to cut back on , i have piled the weight on, I'm now too big for my size 18 stuff and a wee bit too small for size 20. I have been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, now you would think that would kick start me into sorting my diet out, but I seem to have been having a last hurrah since xmas eve, but I need to sort myself out :(

So far I have been lucky, good blood glucose and cholesterol results means that I can control with diet for now and they will review in July, so I am going to make a really big effort to get back to cutting out the crap, drinking more water and get back to the gym.

I need to do this, for my babies and Stew, and also its Pheebz christening in 4 months and i would like to be able to wear something nice, so thats my goal for now.

Its a bit of a vicious circle really, I look fat and feel crap, so i eat to cheer myself up, and that makes me more fat etc etc etc etc etc



So have been a bit productive today and rung the gym about starting up my membership again, so i just need to pop in at some point and get it sorted, will aim for at least once a week, with hopefully being able to go at least twice, need to get the tape measure out too and measure all the lumpy bits too so i can see them shrink, watch this space........................................

Speedy Phoebes

Well i've managed to do this before she is 6 weeks old, and excuse the typing - i'm trying to rock her to sleep in one arm and typing with the other!

Monday 15th 8am, arrived at ward 17, after having a major stress and teary goodbye to the kids and stew, got settled in my bed, ad the midwife said they wouldnt do anything till i had done my after brekkie blood sugar :-x was a bit miffed as i wasnt due to do my sugars till 9.30, so i could have taken the kids to school / nursery and been a lot less stressed by the time i got to the hossie.

my bloods were fine so had the first pessary, the MW said i was only 2cms, and very posterior so no chance of breaking my waters :( monitored for 30 mins and then told i could go a wandering but not in town in case my waters went :roll: so went as far as the hospital shop to stock up on puzzle books and trashy mags :hehe

5.45pm rolled round, time for second pessary, no real change : Stew popped up to see me for a wee while, i got settled for the night and watched hells kitchen, i was hoping that gordon ramsey's swearing might just shock me into labour :lol: 10pm i was knackered so went to sleep, 11pm was awake again tried for an hour to go back off but no luck so at midnight went to the main desk and asked for a sleeping tablet and a few paracetamols as i was having some period type pains, so headed back to bed with a tamazapam and a couple of paracetamols.

tuesday 16th 12.30am the pains are feeling more like a contraction, but totally bearable, so just watching the world go by from my window (as it didnt have any blinds) by 2am was feeling rather uncomfortable and the pasins were getting stronger, but ws still breathing through them, so waddled back to the desk, the MW said she would do an internal to see how i was progressing as the delivery suite was still chocka ( it was a full moon) so i was 3cm but more central and a long way off being anterior, so if i could just keep doing what i was doing it would be a big help.

3am, waddled back to the desk, had 2 really strong contractions while they were on the phone to the DS, shesaid they had a room spare so i could go down stairs if i wanted to - ermmmm let me think :lol: i was told to pack up my stuff and she would be along shortly to take me down stairs, 10 mins later she turns up with a wheelchair, which i thought was a lovely gesture to let me go in the wheelchair, no such luck, the bags went in the wheels and i had to waddle.

once on the suite, they were just settling up and i had a really strong contraction so Alison rubbed my tummy for me, she was very surprised by how long it was lasting, so she got me some gas and air to puff on in the corridor, i was told that the midwife who would be delivering me, was just finishing off with another lady, so Nadia would be setting up my drip and stuff, got into the room and on to the bed, half way through a contraction i hear a click and my drug supply stopped :o not impressed to say the least, i didnt think i had used that much gas and air but it turns out there was only a little bit in the canister, so panic over and i got another canister (full this time!)

at 4am Nadia said that she was reluctant to check me again as i was checked at 2am, but if she did then she would break my waters at the same time, but she just had to sort out my canula and my glucose / insulin drip first, so 4.25 she asked me if i wanted to ring Stew, so handed me my phone, so i rang him during a contraction gas and air in one hand, mobile in the other, she said he was on his way, 4.30 she broke my waters, she said i was only 4cms, and that she was going to make the hole in the bag a bit bigger, as soon as she took her hand out, there was an almighty gush and i started moo'ing to which she told me not to as i was only 4cms! and to breathe on the gas and air, at this point the contractions were really intense and i really started moo'ing and panicking too as i knew i shouldnt be pushing at 4cms, which made me moo even more, so she told me to calm down and breath which i did, [b]4.35[/b] she turned round to get something off her trolley and i felt a slight stinging sensation, next thing she is shouting not to push as the head was out!!!!! next push Phoebe was out, and the second midwife came running in to stab me in the leg, 4.40 its all over. i got to cut her cord which was cool

I rung home, and my dad answered and told me that stew had just left, and my mum was shouting what do you mean shes here??? he has just left, oh bugger he's missed it!!! Stew arrived at 5am looking a bit shocked, but he arrived just in time for tea and toast!!!

so miss speedy weighed 8lb 7.5 oz born at 4.40am on the 16th sept during a full moon, we stayed in till 4pm on the 17th as Phoebe had blood sugar issues due to my insulin use, but she absolutely fine now, and its like we have always had her, but im ruddy glad i'm not having any more!!!!

phew!!!

8lb 8oz, YAY!!!! *does happy dance*

thats a gain of 5.5oz since thursday and Miss P is now 0.5oz heavier than her birth weight, im so fecking relieved its untrue, know i know the decision to have more formula feeds is the right one! Jane asked if I was going to continue mixed feeding, but my nipples are just so so sore, i dont know, if adding another formula feed a day helps things to heal then, yes i probably will, but at the moment I really dont know.