For the love of all things holy, let me sleep

Why do I do this? why do I over think things? why can I just accept I can't control things and just go with the flow? Why do I worry about upsetting or putting people out???? Fuck me I make life hard on myself.

for the past week or so I have seen midnight come round, everything has been milling through my brain :-

Money, why do we have to struggle, we are remortgaging but its all on a tightrope, we just want to be comfortable, not to have to worry if we can go shopping at the end of each week, not to have to keep explaining to the kids that they havent been on holiday or they havent been out cos we cant afford it.

College is a great source of angst at the moment, there are so many external things I cant control at the moment and its driving me crazy, What happens if Pheebz doesnt settle at nursery? should I maybe defer for a year and get her used to going to other peoples house etc without me, she just seems so little to be going to nursery, I'm so worried that I will have to give college up in a few months if she doesnt settle. Harry is another source of angst - in the last TAC meeting the teacher said she would give him till the 22/10/09 to settle in, and if he doesnt she will keep him on afternoons, if this happens I WILL have to end college - would it be overly unreasonable to ask her to keep him on mornings + lunch and then my mum could pick him up, he will settle I KNOW he will it all depends whats the easy option for HER.

Its all so fucking unfair, I should be looking forward to this but i'm so worried, i'm going greyer by the day - Deferring for a year is looking like a good option at the moment, give Harry and Pheebz time to settle down, I havent a clue what to do - being a grown up stucks big time

its catch up time

hhhhooookkkkkaaaayyyyyyy then urm *looks down sheepishly* the first weight loss goal didnt quite go to plan, here i am 15st 2lb, and we are starting again! i'm putting more umph into this time as i have 3 big do's next year and I dont want to have to shop at Evans and pay their ridiculous prices!

College is still on track, I have my enrollment days on the 7th and 8th of September, very excited and just a wee bit scared too.

Harry well he has had an assessment with the HV from Longlands and now we wait for an appoinment for him, we are on the cancellation list, on an up note she did say it was doubtful to be ADHD as he can be calm and he sleeps and its unlikely to be aspergers as he has a sense of humour and has problems with his speech, apparently peeps with aspergers have neither, so its either autism / a general ASD /or a sensory processing problem, so we will see