I have been looking on line about Twilight and the associated stuff that goes along with it. Some of the reviews and hatred towards are a bit unfair I feel, I will say that the books are far far far better then the films, but on the flip side I think that the films are incredeibly well cast, and the characters and the actors that play them are very well matched.
I dont get the vitrol and bile spewed at the lead actors - they are doing a job people, haters get over it - if you dont like the films or the books dont look at them, if you dont like seeing them on your telly turn it over.
I like the books and films, its escapism for me - I feel all fluttery and girlie, and I love the concept of there being old fashioned notions in younger people, I was reading the paper yesterday at my mums houses, and there was a letter from a 13 yr old girl seeking advice on the whys and wherefores of sex with her 14 year old boyfriend, and being the panicky mother that I am, this quite frankly scared me that my daughters could have to face this.
I never had to deal with this when I was younger - being fat, ugly with frizzy hair and deidre barlow specs and being painfully painfully shy put pay to that, no one ever looked in my direction and if they did it was to take the piss.
This is another reason why I like the twilight books, it shows kids that sex isnt the be all and end all of life, that respecting your partner and wanting the best for them is the thing to do - and hopefully if someone as hot as Edward Cullen can abstain then maybe they should too.
I'm not saying dont wait until your married (that would be very hypocritical of me Abbie was born out of wedlock), just wait until you are sure its the right thing to do for you, respect yourself and others will too. If anyone pressures you then they dont have your best interests at heart.
On reflection I think I might feel better if I buy a castle with a turret so I can lock the kids in it till they are much older!
Saturday 24 July 2010
Monday 19 July 2010
This is what I want to do today
Not the Shopping, Not squirting stuff up my sneck - the tantrum.
I want to scream and shout till I feel better ( like that is going to happen)
So far this morning, i've shouted at Abbie, rowed with Harry and Phoebe - dont get me started on her, umm lets see, painting the bathroom with the bog brush, running riot in the doctors, Screaming her head off if I tried to restrain her and than laughing in my face when I let her go - cue old bloke "one word from you and she does exactly what she wants" he then tutted and shook his head - grabbing at stuff in the spar, and then trying to get everything out of the kitchen cupboards when i got home.
The next person to say i've made a rod for my own back with her, will be severely beaten with said rod
Monday 12 July 2010
restlessness
Have one been in the house one day and cabin fever has firmly set in :0(
Abbie has been poorly, not well enough to be at school - not quite poorly enough to be at home *sigh* I feel very trapped and frustrated, I was out and about for most of last week and weekend so its been a bit shock to be stuck in the house for a whole day. Atkin women all in one room, all day - together is really not a goo combination, Abbie whinging and Phoebe being very active and not sleeping when she should is really not good for my sanity.
So I have immersed myself in Twilight, Once Breaking Dawn is finished, i will turn my attentions to Alex Cross - and then I think it could be time for Harry Potter again before the film comes out in November.
I am enjoying reading again - reading because I want to not because I have to. I have learnt loads from my text books, but my imagination is enjoying been given free rein again - I still have the urge to write some fiction - but I feel silly, I have lots of ideas - but never write them down, and when i do pick up a pen and paper, i've forgotten. I am also a bit worried that if I start writing creatively then I will forget how to write academically. I know this sounds silly, but creative chatty writing has always been like second nature to me and I have worked so hard at 3rd person narrative that i'm scared I will lose it if I attempt anything other than that now. I still have all my essays to fell back on and i'm sure Uni will tell you how they want you to write as well.
I really need to learn to let go and just do what I feel, I think I need to let the heart rule the head for a while, I hope its just because of todays cabin fever, that i'm feel antsy and a little not in control, I'm on my way out of the deep dark hole I dwell in, i'm not in any urgent rush to get back to the bottom of it.
Abbie has been poorly, not well enough to be at school - not quite poorly enough to be at home *sigh* I feel very trapped and frustrated, I was out and about for most of last week and weekend so its been a bit shock to be stuck in the house for a whole day. Atkin women all in one room, all day - together is really not a goo combination, Abbie whinging and Phoebe being very active and not sleeping when she should is really not good for my sanity.
So I have immersed myself in Twilight, Once Breaking Dawn is finished, i will turn my attentions to Alex Cross - and then I think it could be time for Harry Potter again before the film comes out in November.
I am enjoying reading again - reading because I want to not because I have to. I have learnt loads from my text books, but my imagination is enjoying been given free rein again - I still have the urge to write some fiction - but I feel silly, I have lots of ideas - but never write them down, and when i do pick up a pen and paper, i've forgotten. I am also a bit worried that if I start writing creatively then I will forget how to write academically. I know this sounds silly, but creative chatty writing has always been like second nature to me and I have worked so hard at 3rd person narrative that i'm scared I will lose it if I attempt anything other than that now. I still have all my essays to fell back on and i'm sure Uni will tell you how they want you to write as well.
I really need to learn to let go and just do what I feel, I think I need to let the heart rule the head for a while, I hope its just because of todays cabin fever, that i'm feel antsy and a little not in control, I'm on my way out of the deep dark hole I dwell in, i'm not in any urgent rush to get back to the bottom of it.
Monday 5 July 2010
The Penny hath dropped!
Today I am shattered - due to little miss squark, I ended up squished in a Ikea toddler bed for 3 hours till she was calm enough for me to leave her - I am tired BUT it did make me reflect a lot on me and mine.
{epiphany alert}
My biggest strength is also my most major character flaw - I am an enabler, I seek to help - do what ever I can to make people happy, as it makes me happy (except it doesn't!). Sometimes I get myself in to the most awful pickles simply because I dont want to say no to someone as I *may* upset them, and when I do say no - this theory is usually proved correct, on Saturday I made Abbie cry because I wouldnt play monopoly with her, in my defence I did offer Guess Who and /or Connect 4 but no they weren't good enough, So after much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, Grandma and Grandad are playing it with her, I can hear the joy in her voice floating through from the kitchen, as I am sat in the living room with my worst mother ever hat, sash and badge ensemble. Now I feel utterly shite.
Enough rambling I hear you cry! get to the point! - My epiphany, I realised that I have been like this since I left school, since I picked up my GCSE's results and tearfully had to tell my parents I had 6 D's and 2 E's not the expected B's and C's my teachers had predicted, I tried my hardest, I know I did but that didn't stop me feeling like I had disappointed them and failed miserably, so from then on - I appear to have been a one woman mission to make people happy and not disappoint them, but at what cost?? it needs to stop and it needs to stop now, if people are disappointed with me or any of my doings TOUGH!!! deal with it, dont get me wrong, I'm not going to be horrid, its not in my nature - but if someone thinks *ah tis okay Saz will do it* they might get a bit of a shock, and I will no longer be thinking up elaborate excuses as to why, it will be I simply dont want to!!!
Right a change of tack - Now for the cheery bit (honest gov - bear with me!)
Due to the unbelievably stupid amount of pressure I have always put myself under - I have always been a terrible serious person, always looking at risks Blah Blah Blah.
Last night I went with my utterly lovely friend Linda to watch Eclipse, and I came out all giggly and silly - and felt like a teen again and then given the ages of the characters in the film I felt like a right Cougar ( but hopefully not in the Barb sense of the word!) *blush* but then I realised the older I am getting, the younger I am feeling!( not quite Benjamin Button but you know what I mean!) I dont know if this is down to confidence or what - but Linda and I were not acting at all appropriately for a couple of mummies in their 30's ( Early for Linda grrr, Late for me grrr). but I can go out now and have fun, not all that *will I wont I meet some one* chuff that dominated my early - mid 20's (until I met Stewbert!), I can see that Linda will become a firm film buddy - I already have her lined up for Harry Potter later this year and are planning a wine and DVD night when Eclipse is released :0)
So tonight Matthew I am going to be ................................................... Thankful for good friends, great company, Edward Cullen, Stephanie Meyer ( and her hypnotic writing), epiphanies and not being to old to say ah fuck it!
{epiphany alert}
My biggest strength is also my most major character flaw - I am an enabler, I seek to help - do what ever I can to make people happy, as it makes me happy (except it doesn't!). Sometimes I get myself in to the most awful pickles simply because I dont want to say no to someone as I *may* upset them, and when I do say no - this theory is usually proved correct, on Saturday I made Abbie cry because I wouldnt play monopoly with her, in my defence I did offer Guess Who and /or Connect 4 but no they weren't good enough, So after much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, Grandma and Grandad are playing it with her, I can hear the joy in her voice floating through from the kitchen, as I am sat in the living room with my worst mother ever hat, sash and badge ensemble. Now I feel utterly shite.
Enough rambling I hear you cry! get to the point! - My epiphany, I realised that I have been like this since I left school, since I picked up my GCSE's results and tearfully had to tell my parents I had 6 D's and 2 E's not the expected B's and C's my teachers had predicted, I tried my hardest, I know I did but that didn't stop me feeling like I had disappointed them and failed miserably, so from then on - I appear to have been a one woman mission to make people happy and not disappoint them, but at what cost?? it needs to stop and it needs to stop now, if people are disappointed with me or any of my doings TOUGH!!! deal with it, dont get me wrong, I'm not going to be horrid, its not in my nature - but if someone thinks *ah tis okay Saz will do it* they might get a bit of a shock, and I will no longer be thinking up elaborate excuses as to why, it will be I simply dont want to!!!
Right a change of tack - Now for the cheery bit (honest gov - bear with me!)
Due to the unbelievably stupid amount of pressure I have always put myself under - I have always been a terrible serious person, always looking at risks Blah Blah Blah.
Last night I went with my utterly lovely friend Linda to watch Eclipse, and I came out all giggly and silly - and felt like a teen again and then given the ages of the characters in the film I felt like a right Cougar ( but hopefully not in the Barb sense of the word!) *blush* but then I realised the older I am getting, the younger I am feeling!( not quite Benjamin Button but you know what I mean!) I dont know if this is down to confidence or what - but Linda and I were not acting at all appropriately for a couple of mummies in their 30's ( Early for Linda grrr, Late for me grrr). but I can go out now and have fun, not all that *will I wont I meet some one* chuff that dominated my early - mid 20's (until I met Stewbert!), I can see that Linda will become a firm film buddy - I already have her lined up for Harry Potter later this year and are planning a wine and DVD night when Eclipse is released :0)
So tonight Matthew I am going to be ................................................... Thankful for good friends, great company, Edward Cullen, Stephanie Meyer ( and her hypnotic writing), epiphanies and not being to old to say ah fuck it!
Friday 2 July 2010
Impending 36ness and BIG apologies
I've only been trying all week to blog, but things kept getting in the way!
Usually the few weeks preceeding my hatchday is usually some what of a gloomy affair - another year older ( not necessarily wiser!), another year of missed opportunity, procrastination and annoyance with myself, but not so this time round. Had a bit of an epiphany at the weekend - it was my cousins wedding do, and I was surrounded by family and for the first time in ages I felt truly relaxed and at peace ( it could have been the vast amount of Auntie Vivi's Bombay Sapphire gin that Auntie Jackie was pouring me that did it) I was sat with peeps that love me unconditionally and make me laugh (and also take the piss - i'm looking at you Geoffrey Swift!), I've not seen some of my family since Pheebz christening in May 2009, but we always just pick up where we left off, like we saw them only last week - its a most lovely way to be, Mi Casa Es Su Casa and all that jazz :0)
This new found sense of peace and calm - has got me wondering if university is a good idea for me at all, I know college was pretty intense - 2 A levels and a GCSE in 9 months, but its only now i'm on the other side of it that I can see how bad I was - trying to spilt myself in 4 and be a good student, good mum, good current wife and good friend was just horrid, I felt like I was letting everyone down, not being able to give them my all, and it hurt me deeply - I will have to do the same in September 2011 BUT hopefully the stresses will be lessened with the kids being older, me being mentally better and the support I know I have, and believe me this time I will use it ( friends be warned and offers WILL be taken up on!)
Still trying to fight the money demons - I feel like I should really go get a job to make a contribution to the household pot and not be a sponge - but if I do, then I will really struggle money wise at uni - I just want to feel valuble and I want to be able to move.
and finally hugest and sincere apologies to
and on that note I will end saying "c'mon 36ness and 4 years till the big 40, i'm ready for you!!"
Usually the few weeks preceeding my hatchday is usually some what of a gloomy affair - another year older ( not necessarily wiser!), another year of missed opportunity, procrastination and annoyance with myself, but not so this time round. Had a bit of an epiphany at the weekend - it was my cousins wedding do, and I was surrounded by family and for the first time in ages I felt truly relaxed and at peace ( it could have been the vast amount of Auntie Vivi's Bombay Sapphire gin that Auntie Jackie was pouring me that did it) I was sat with peeps that love me unconditionally and make me laugh (and also take the piss - i'm looking at you Geoffrey Swift!), I've not seen some of my family since Pheebz christening in May 2009, but we always just pick up where we left off, like we saw them only last week - its a most lovely way to be, Mi Casa Es Su Casa and all that jazz :0)
This new found sense of peace and calm - has got me wondering if university is a good idea for me at all, I know college was pretty intense - 2 A levels and a GCSE in 9 months, but its only now i'm on the other side of it that I can see how bad I was - trying to spilt myself in 4 and be a good student, good mum, good current wife and good friend was just horrid, I felt like I was letting everyone down, not being able to give them my all, and it hurt me deeply - I will have to do the same in September 2011 BUT hopefully the stresses will be lessened with the kids being older, me being mentally better and the support I know I have, and believe me this time I will use it ( friends be warned and offers WILL be taken up on!)
Still trying to fight the money demons - I feel like I should really go get a job to make a contribution to the household pot and not be a sponge - but if I do, then I will really struggle money wise at uni - I just want to feel valuble and I want to be able to move.
and finally hugest and sincere apologies to
- Linda R
- Jojo H
- Mel N
- Mel C
- Melissa B
- Lucy E
- Tracey W
- Mandy F
- Emma C
- Debbie W
- Dee W
and on that note I will end saying "c'mon 36ness and 4 years till the big 40, i'm ready for you!!"
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