..........and to stop my head imploding, im adding to my blog again.
Its a typical Saz whinge but i have to get it out of my brain as its driving my crazy.
My thoughts are going a mile a minute, is the baby going to be okay?, is it another boy?, will it be like harry if it is?, will we cope?, will i get Maternity Allowance?, how the hell are we going to fit 3 kids in to shoebox bedrooms?, are mid sleepers the way to go? is that pain spd coming back? will i be left diabetic this time round?, why cant i get as good a control as I would like? can i potty train Harry in time?, what is Abbie going to do if the scan shows the baby is a boy? how is harry gonna cope with a baby? how am i gonna cope with harry coping with the baby? how will harry settle at nursery?, and will he be okay as the baby is due 3 weeks after he starts nursery? What the hell are we going to call the baby?
these worries fill my head every waking minute, and my sleeping minutes are disturbed with leg cramps and the need to pee.
I feel horrid at the moment, i feel everything is my fault, i should be able to put these things right, and i cant,i thnk i have cried everyday for the past 3 days, i feel so sorry for Stew, he comes home from work to 2 whingy kids and a stressed out hormonal wife, some days i think he doesn't want to come home, i cant blame him, i wouldnt want to come home to that either.
I'm so worried about getting the depression again that i think im pushing myself towards it, and i dont know what to do to stop it, i feel quite lost.
I know it will all fall into place it has to and it always does, but it doesnt stop me stressing along the way, i really think i need to get a grip or a life, or mebbe both , who knows??? I certainly dont!
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