blog part deux - The little black dog that follows me

It is a strange saying "the black dog" to describe depression

This is more how I see depression
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Some days there is big black clouds, other days there are sunny spells, very occasionally there are total bikini weather days where there are no clouds in view and its sunny. I aspire to have more of these days.

Its really hard for me to exactly pin point a trigger for my down days - tiredness is a big factor, I dont sleep well, I am grumpy, the kids play up, I shout for something that could have been ignored, I feel guilty and like a shit parent, I get angry with myself for being a shit parent, I get wound up I shout at the kids etc etc etc etc etc vicious cycle ahoy.

Hormones are a bastard too, I think I get PMD - pre menstrual depression. Its really quite horrible, I am really quite horrible. Chuff only knows why Stewbert puts up with me. Go to the Doctors I hear you cry: I wish I could but they will pump me full of more hormones and the problem will get worse and I will put more weight on which will lead to another vicious circle.

I just found this, it made me laugh a lot!! I think I need this on a tee-shirt. I loves my prozac I do!!! I recently had to up my dosage as you can get accustomed to it, so I am now on 40mg daily. The dark clouds are lessened but I do worry about coming off it, doesnt really bother me if I stay on it indefinately. If it keeps the black dogs and dark clouds at arms length then it will do for me.

I am very honest about my depression, this freaks out some people - they look like I am going to murder them *rolls eyes* others share their experiences with me, some times I help other times I can only empathise. Because there is such a stigma regarding mental health people are very reluctant to discuss brain health, but if you broke your chuffing arm you would see the doctor, so why wouldnt you for a broken brain?

Today has been a good day - lots of fresh air, tea and chats with my lovely Linda, We returned some money to a lady who dropped it, my pants nearly fell down as I was walking briskly to catch up with her - mental note find your belt!! I've laughed a lot today and I think there is a lot to be said for laughter being the best medicine.

So here is to laughter, fab friends ( you know who you all are!) and hopefully lots of sunny spells and not so many dark clouds.