Watch out yummies, slummy mummy coming through

GGGRRRRRRRR Biatches in Boden* (*disclaimer not all peeps who wear boden are biatches)

What a throughly fucking miserable day! plan was to have a lovely family day together - time table was, get up, leisurely breakfast, head out of the house at 10.30 go to the zone at greenlands and then into lancaster and go to the China all you can eat buffet for lunch ( they do all sorts inc chips so we can eat together as a family)

I should have known as soon as i opened my eyes this morning it would be stressful

06.40 - Pheebz is up shouting, so put her in bed with us

07.10 - Harry wakes up, and brings half his bedroom into ours with the plan of getting on bed with it and us, gently explain that there is too much stuff so he cant have his magnetic alphabet letters in as they will get everywhere and pheebz might swallow them - Harry does not recieve mummies polite request very well!

07.13 the mother of all kick offs, screaming, shouting, tears, snot goes running out of our bedroom, back into his and proceeds to bang stuff about and shout and scream at Abbie to wake up so he can tell her about the great diservice his mean mother has befallen him.

07.14 Mean mother has to raise the volume level and politely asks him not to wake Abigail up, more scream how he doesnt like me, he only likes daddy and he only wants daddy to go down stairs with him.

07.15 I retire back to bed, can hear the sound of Harry being grumpy down stairs.

07.50 Abbie is up and about so Stew and Pheebz get up, I opt to listen to my Paul Mckenna instant calm self hypnosis CD

08.20 I get out of bed and morning rountine begins.

11.00 finally get out of the house and on the way to the zone.

The zone was packed - thought it might be with it being half term, found a table but with no seat, the gaggle of yummies on the next table had plenty of seats ( but with their coats and stuff on and NO visable children) asked if anyone was sitting there and got the glare, the tut and the withering "actually yes!" - tell you what if some one needs a sit that my child might want to sit of for about 10 secs, the grown up gets the seat and your kid sits on your knee, or would that crumple the boden????

Managed to pinch one seat, so Stew and sleepy Pheebz could sit down - she then sprang into life and off she went with Stew in hot pursuit so I parks me arse and starts making notes about the Ferking essay I am currently torturing myself with. Boden Bi-atches are glaring - I am valiantly ignoring them.

Stew and tiny comes back and I am duely dispatched to the counter for refreshements ( after mucho nagging from thing one and thing two). En route I bumped into a lovely lady called Gillian who attends the surestart AOK group- for kids with additional needs, so we are putting the worlds to rights, and comparing notes on our kids and how we deal with it (me lots of wine). Next thing a large older lady from a different gaggle of yummies comes marching up and snottily asks if I am the owner of the boy in the green top, and am I aware that he has crashed the party that is taking place!! so I go and remove the offending boy in the green top and make my apologies - the yummies are making noise that H has eaten a lot of the food WHAT THE FUCK, he eats nowt!!!!! when I ejected him he had a slice if apple in his hand - he might have pinched some crisps, but unless the party fayre was microwave chips, beef hula hoops, chicken fingers or lemon curd sandwiches I doubt he ate much at all!!! all the while this is going on, large older lady is wittering at Gillian, who great lady that she is, just turned round and said - Actually Harry has Special Needs - he is not being horrid, to which LOL scuttled off.

Slummy mummy is feeling a wee bit outnumbered by all the yummies and biting her tongue very hard, slummy daddy who has a hide like a rhino, cant understand why slummy mummy is getting so het up, Slummy mummy is very relieved when the 2 gaggles of yummies feck off and its time for us to go - but I made a new friend and have duely added Gillian on facebook and I managed to jot some ideas down for my essay and the kids saw a few goats.

13.00 The Atkins hit town - and head for the all you can eat emporium called China. unfortunately the soft play hasnt tired Har out if anything its hyped him up. Cue a paddy as we had to wait a couple of minutes to be seated. Cue once seated tear-arsing up and down and generally being Harry. I played a blinder getting Pheebz out of the pushchair and taking her coat off, thumb nail met flesh and boy oh boy did she howl, whipped her around to see that I had grazed her just under her eye, bloody lucky it wasnt any higher :0( a few more meltdowns from Har, mainly over ice cream and we finally finish lunch and head off for a spot of shopping. Harry wants a chocolate cookie, Slummy mummy and slummy daddy explain that he will be rewarded with said cookie IF he behaves in the shops ( bet yummies dont have to bribe their kids), the bribe works and we had a fairly uneventful shopping trip all in all.

Popped to the so near so on the way home to stock up on slummy essentials ( bread, milk, and wine), and set about changing all the bedding while the rest are playing on the Wii - cue not a happy harry as slummy put Bob the Builder duvet on and not Thomas ( bad slummy!!!! BAD slummy!!!!! - Slummy cant win, if Thomas had been on there he would have wanted BTB!) and i'm not sure what Har was doing but Slummy Daddy wasn't half laying down the law very loudly!! ( I had my ipod on and I could hear him!!!)

So now its 19.45, Pheebz is snoring on the couch, Harry is in bed watching the magic key and Abbie has just headed up too, SO now i've finally managed to finish this blog ( I started it an hour ago!) I am going back to my lipid metabolism essay and i'm going to have some wine and crumpets as I have STOOPIDLY given up chocolate for lent.

And I leave you with this pondering as its been bugging me all day - why do people see parenting as a competition??? we are all bumbling along trying to raise our kids with out dropping them, misplacing them, or damaging them too much, surely mummies should stick together?? and not take sides, but if I have to....................................... I am an out and proud Slummy mummy!! I feed my kids Maccie-D's, I drink while they are awake, I pinch their chocolate under the pretence of saving them from obesity and diabetes, and occasionally swear in front of them, I dont always coddle for minor bumps and sprains, I might not be brilliant at mumming, but I know my kids love me ( although I think they are trying to get me committed). I try really really hard not to judge others as there for the grace of God go I, but please dont ask me to stop muttering under my breath about the yummy boden brigade - I need to have some small pleasures in life !!!