Its all built up again like a big black cloud looming, everything tumbling about, making no sense, not letting me rest, not letting me sleep, making me snappy, shouty, bitchy and very unhappy.
Can not having chocolate make you depressed??? I know it boosts seretonin and i used to eat a fair old whack, so its possible I suppose. I feel horrible at the moment all angry and disjointed, I feel out of control especially in respect to going to uni,.trying to find out information, going from pillar to post banging my head on several walls, I really dont know where I go from here, just wait and see I suppose, but uncertainty is no good for the soul!!
Noise is driving me at the moment, I crave peace and quiet and i'm not getting it, I need to quiet my mind to catch my breath and its just not happening, Phoebe whinging and tantrumming, Harry screaming and crying cos something hasnt quite gone right, and Abbie's incessant wittering, please dont get me wrong - I love my children more than life its self, but they generate so much noise that sometimes I cant think straight. Everything is so jumbled and cluttered, everywhere I look there is something that i needed to do yesterday, but with trying to finsh my lets make cress sexy and interesting project its just not happening I need a 30 hr day or committing one of the two!!
I decided to give up chocolate and boozing in the house PAH!!!! what a dickhead, its been nearly 3 weeks choc free and nearly a week booze free do I feel better? do I feck - I have been watching what I eat as well, lots of water, fruit, veg and cutting back on the snacking and I have I lost weight, erm let me think........... NO!!!! I am bloated and my clothes are tight. I really hate myself at the moment, I am the fattest I have ever been, I *have* to wear jammies at the moment or my thighs rub together, I am disgusting - and again through lack of time/too much to do/ lethergy/ depression - I dont do anything about it, and then I get angry with my self and my cycle of self loathing goes on, and what makes me feel a complete and utter twat, is the fact that there are far more important things going on in the world and in peoples lives and I am wallowing in self pity, I really am quite pathetic and need a slap about the chops with a wet kipper
1 comment:
t need a slapping. You need a huge Hug. (SQQQQQUEEEZZZEEEEEEE) I know exactly how that feel I have hit a bout of that myself. Take time for you. Its SOOO Important. I promise you. Talk to Stewie bout it. Arrange some time. Love you babe. You know where I am if you need and ear. ♥♥♥
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