Yesterday damn near finished me off - ready to jack it all in, college, uni everything.
We had an IEP meeting at Harry's school and all we got was "well he doesnt do that here" "That doesnt sound like him" and" if he is doing that at home there is nothing we can do" I was made to feel like I was lying, got told off about how I approach his homework as well, I am fed up with it all - I have started to doubt myself now, maybe he isnt as bad as I am saying, maybe I just cant cope with him? maybe its a boy thing? The school also think the Paedrition has got it really wrong with her assessment of things - I despair I really do, only at the parents evening his class teacher was saying that she thinks he will need support definately by year 2, yesterday she said nothing of the sort. This morning I felt like filming him so people can see what he is like.
So Shit mother or over dramatic stupid bitch or what? be buggered if I know.
Stew mentioned to me yesterday to try and keep positive and try and be more fun, like I used to be, i'm too young to be old apparently, he suggested doing something crazy with my hair colour like dye it purple or pink or something - Think he is just sick of looking at a grey headed sad sack - his heart is in the right place bless him, he just wants his wife to be happy again, I am all too aware of the effect I have on my family - but I dont know what to do to make it all right again, even my mum told me to enjoy Phoebe more as she is my last - and here I am shoving her into child care while at college, spending lots of time revising or writing, cursing her when I cant because she wants to sit with me, even Harry said he didnt want me to look after him when he was poorly as i'm always to busy with college work.
I need to do something for myself, but i'm feeling so selfish as I should be here for my kids not fucking off to uni.
ooo oooooo oooooo I know what I am now a self pitying martyr mum - I really need to get a fucking grip!
2 comments:
"So Shit mother or over dramatic stupid bitch or what?" Neither of those chick, just under pressure and a bit lost. You work so hard trying to make other peoples lives easier that you don't seem to take time out for yourself. Everyone needs "me" time, even mums who seem to have it all perfect. Behind the scenes everyone is wondering "why is it so hard for me", they don't seem to see that other people feel the same. Maybe if everyone came clean like you and admitted how hard they find it there wouldn't be as much pressure on people to fit into the unrealistic perfect family, work, friends and whatever else mould - hardly anyone does. If you need any help you know people are always here for you. Big hugs. xx
Thank you Jen XXX
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