I would love just one week where everything I planned went to plan - but no! Not for Saz. I feel shite for moaning, there are people I know and love who are in far worse situations at the moment. There are people who I dont know who are in far worse situations than I am.
I feel like a failure ( yes I know i'm not before the whoopass starts) but thats how I feel. Sometimes I wish I could disapear and let Stew and the kids find someone who would be better for them.
I wish I could stop feeling Guilty - Guilty for not going to see Uncle Eric before he died, Guilty for what happened to the first baby, for not being able to breastfeed Abbie, for getting an infection that nearly killed me, for hating harry when i carried him, for being so fat I ended up with gestational diabetes and which more than likely caused his ASD and Pheebz VSD
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Causes_of_autismGestational diabetes
Diabetes in the mother during pregnancy is a significant risk factor for autism; a 2009 meta-analysis found that gestational diabetes was associated with a twofold increased risk. Although diabetes causes metabolic and hormonal abnormalities and oxidative stress, no biological mechanism is known for the association between gestational diabetes and autism risk.[20]
http://www.articlesbase.com/diseases-and-conditions-articles/the-infant-risk-factor-of-gestational-diabetes-693952.html
Guilty for not being able to breastfeed Phoebe, Guilty for all the shit I put my family throught with my depression, I feel guilty for taking time for myself - i'm a mum first and foremost
and I feel guilty for feeling guilty - I wish I knew how to stop it, my life would be a damn sight fucking easier!!
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