Speedy Phoebes

Well i've managed to do this before she is 6 weeks old, and excuse the typing - i'm trying to rock her to sleep in one arm and typing with the other!

Monday 15th 8am, arrived at ward 17, after having a major stress and teary goodbye to the kids and stew, got settled in my bed, ad the midwife said they wouldnt do anything till i had done my after brekkie blood sugar :-x was a bit miffed as i wasnt due to do my sugars till 9.30, so i could have taken the kids to school / nursery and been a lot less stressed by the time i got to the hossie.

my bloods were fine so had the first pessary, the MW said i was only 2cms, and very posterior so no chance of breaking my waters :( monitored for 30 mins and then told i could go a wandering but not in town in case my waters went :roll: so went as far as the hospital shop to stock up on puzzle books and trashy mags :hehe

5.45pm rolled round, time for second pessary, no real change : Stew popped up to see me for a wee while, i got settled for the night and watched hells kitchen, i was hoping that gordon ramsey's swearing might just shock me into labour :lol: 10pm i was knackered so went to sleep, 11pm was awake again tried for an hour to go back off but no luck so at midnight went to the main desk and asked for a sleeping tablet and a few paracetamols as i was having some period type pains, so headed back to bed with a tamazapam and a couple of paracetamols.

tuesday 16th 12.30am the pains are feeling more like a contraction, but totally bearable, so just watching the world go by from my window (as it didnt have any blinds) by 2am was feeling rather uncomfortable and the pasins were getting stronger, but ws still breathing through them, so waddled back to the desk, the MW said she would do an internal to see how i was progressing as the delivery suite was still chocka ( it was a full moon) so i was 3cm but more central and a long way off being anterior, so if i could just keep doing what i was doing it would be a big help.

3am, waddled back to the desk, had 2 really strong contractions while they were on the phone to the DS, shesaid they had a room spare so i could go down stairs if i wanted to - ermmmm let me think :lol: i was told to pack up my stuff and she would be along shortly to take me down stairs, 10 mins later she turns up with a wheelchair, which i thought was a lovely gesture to let me go in the wheelchair, no such luck, the bags went in the wheels and i had to waddle.

once on the suite, they were just settling up and i had a really strong contraction so Alison rubbed my tummy for me, she was very surprised by how long it was lasting, so she got me some gas and air to puff on in the corridor, i was told that the midwife who would be delivering me, was just finishing off with another lady, so Nadia would be setting up my drip and stuff, got into the room and on to the bed, half way through a contraction i hear a click and my drug supply stopped :o not impressed to say the least, i didnt think i had used that much gas and air but it turns out there was only a little bit in the canister, so panic over and i got another canister (full this time!)

at 4am Nadia said that she was reluctant to check me again as i was checked at 2am, but if she did then she would break my waters at the same time, but she just had to sort out my canula and my glucose / insulin drip first, so 4.25 she asked me if i wanted to ring Stew, so handed me my phone, so i rang him during a contraction gas and air in one hand, mobile in the other, she said he was on his way, 4.30 she broke my waters, she said i was only 4cms, and that she was going to make the hole in the bag a bit bigger, as soon as she took her hand out, there was an almighty gush and i started moo'ing to which she told me not to as i was only 4cms! and to breathe on the gas and air, at this point the contractions were really intense and i really started moo'ing and panicking too as i knew i shouldnt be pushing at 4cms, which made me moo even more, so she told me to calm down and breath which i did, [b]4.35[/b] she turned round to get something off her trolley and i felt a slight stinging sensation, next thing she is shouting not to push as the head was out!!!!! next push Phoebe was out, and the second midwife came running in to stab me in the leg, 4.40 its all over. i got to cut her cord which was cool

I rung home, and my dad answered and told me that stew had just left, and my mum was shouting what do you mean shes here??? he has just left, oh bugger he's missed it!!! Stew arrived at 5am looking a bit shocked, but he arrived just in time for tea and toast!!!

so miss speedy weighed 8lb 7.5 oz born at 4.40am on the 16th sept during a full moon, we stayed in till 4pm on the 17th as Phoebe had blood sugar issues due to my insulin use, but she absolutely fine now, and its like we have always had her, but im ruddy glad i'm not having any more!!!!

phew!!!

8lb 8oz, YAY!!!! *does happy dance*

thats a gain of 5.5oz since thursday and Miss P is now 0.5oz heavier than her birth weight, im so fecking relieved its untrue, know i know the decision to have more formula feeds is the right one! Jane asked if I was going to continue mixed feeding, but my nipples are just so so sore, i dont know, if adding another formula feed a day helps things to heal then, yes i probably will, but at the moment I really dont know.

catch up!

Miss Phoebe Kate Atkin arrived at 04.40 on Tuesday 16th Sept weighing 8lb 7.5oz - speedy in the end up, poor daddy missed it all, but i got to cut the cord which was cool, off to a bit of a shaky start as her blood sugars were low, due to my GD and then a Jaundice that wont go.

I have been breastfeeding, but that is coming to an end, Pheebs has a high pallette and a short tongue, so she cant feed effectively, and as a consequence, she is hungry and i'm red raw, so high ho high ho its off to formula we go, I'm totally gutted but I have to do whats best for all of us, she has been screaming so much she is upsetting Abbie and Harry and the deaf next door neighbour turns his telly up!!!!!!

I want to enjoy her as she my last baby ( definately, no more, absolutely ruddy sure!) but at the moment i'm resenting her and that is not fair on her, she is too little and lovely to be resented!

10 days and counting

Atkin the 3rd is being evicted on the 15th September, I am excited and scared all at the same time, tis a most perculiar feeling - I cant wait to meet her and see what ( and who) she looks like, but the pain is coming back to me and just the whole uncertain-ness of it all, i'm sure i will be fine and what ever will be will be nd aslong as we are both happy and healthy at the end of it that is all that really matters!

EEEK, EEEEP, EEEEK

35 weeks, 35 weeks how thw blue did that happen??????????

3 weeks on monday till the week she arrives CHUFFING HELL!!!!!!

mild panic has now set in, its now mild but its rising

feeling very antsy at the moment, not sleeping well ( fecking understatement), my back and hips ache ( physio referrall on the way) i'm knackered and i just want one nights full sleep, one where i dont have to get up to wee 3 times, one where i dont lose the feeling in both my arms, one where my right legs doesn't hurt and one where my bump doesnt feel like its going to drop off if i lie on my side, pillow under the bump and between the knees really doesnt help.

I have tummy ache too, which makes a change from being bunged, but not a pleasant change!

ever decreasing arses

10 weeks pregnant = 13st 5lb
20 weeks pregnant = 13st 10lb
32 weeks pregnant = 14st 12lb

so that a stone and a half in 22 weeks, i've dropped a dress size, i have very little fluid apparently so its all baby, she is currently 5lb 7oz, she should be around the 4lb mark, she is the size of a 35-36 weeker, so god only knows what size she will be when she arrives, which could be 37 weeks if i cant get my sugars under better control, well and truly pissed off to be honest

I hurt, i just want to cry, i had to get stew to tie my shoe laces today as i couldnt reach, my back hurts, my legs hurt, I am totally fed up and i hate me right now, i'm shouting at the kids, i just want to curl up in a ball and tell the whole world to Feck right off

5 weeks to go, 5 weeks to go, 5 weeks to go, etc etc etc

One up, one to go - and general ponderings

We have one bed up, i might have a bash at the other one this afters when the kids are in the paddling pool and Stew is supervising them, he is helping his mum 2 days this week, so thats less time for my to do list, i know it sounds pouty but i want to get as much done as i can as quickly a i can so we can devote more time to family stuff.

I'm feeling a bit crap today, I have had to cancel going to Neets Hen night, I have no money, and my sciatica is getting worse, its in both buttocks now, and i cant sit or stnad for too long as it makes it worse, the lack of money is worse than the sciatica to be honest, its a real pain in the arse, its just so restrictive, the car's impromptu trip to the garage for the wheel bearings cost 135.00, so since the beginning of June the car has cost £430.00 *eep*

We went to a family do yesterday and there where a lot of babies there and i was really really surprised how much formula was knocking about, i never realised how much the *norm* it was considered, it has made me more determined to breastfeed the one on board, my first 2 were formula feed so i'm not knocking it, but its one trend i'd like to buck this time round

that was a quick week and its one of THOSE days!

Baby is measuring a week ahead of herself and as of last wednesday was weighing 3lb 4oz, little minx is breech though, so that explains the horrid scraping feelings i get on my cervix :0s

Not having a good day today, i'm knackered, Abbie had an accident at 4.30 this morning and it took me till 4.45 to sort out the bed and get her settled back down, all i want is one nights full sleep with out needed to pee, or leg cramps or dead arms, or for someone else to change the bed over - I wouldnt mind if it was just the bottom sheet to sort, but she gets out of bed then puts her duvet in the puddle so its a total bed change, then its moving all the fucking teddies and books and then putting it all back in again!!! the second load of washing has just finished, so will get the water proof on the line and pray it doesnt rain and get the bedding in the tumble so i can then get the clothes washing sorted.

I need a sleep, im so tired i could cry, and i just might ( cry not sleep), i had 9 things i HAD to do today and i only have 4 left, so its not too bad, I need to ring the gym in a moment now the washer and tumble has finished, and i need to do a load of stuff upstairs so harry and potty will have to come with me, other wise god only knows what i will come down to :-0

one of these days i will do a non-whingy blog, but i wouldnt hold your breath!

another year older, but not necessarily wiser!!!

I'm 34, i'm mid thirties ( how the chuff did that happen???)

An early and not the best start to the day with a wet bed ( not me by the way) at 4.15am, then little mr sunshine barrelling in at 6.45am with a stinky bum.

very tired and headachy today, and feeling a bit grumpy to be honest (what a miserable cow eh!!) looking forward to a glass of wine with my tea, my birthday treat :0)

Hospital appointment tomorrow, and my first growth scan, will be interesting to see how big little lady is, I am and I'm feeling fairly massive, so will be interesting to what the medics have to say on the matter, i'm expecting blood tests and stuff tomorrow as well, so should be a fun appointment!

I'm starting to scare myself!!!

I'm being all pro-active again!!! Went to the nursery this morning and spent 30 mins having a neb round, harry spent the whole time playing and he loved it so he is starting there on the 1st september for 4 mornings a week, i am filling in the registration form as we speak ( i'm a smart arse me i can do 2 fings at once, not really just doing things as i remember otherwise i will forget), dropping the form off on Wednesday morning with his deposit, and we are all good to go, have rung St Joe's and cancelled his nursery place, and feel much happier and less stressed already, watch this the little bugger will potty train in the next few days and be completely dry both ways!!! even so I think the nursery will be better for him as i dont think he will sit through masses or assemblies, so this will just be somewhere for him to go play and have fun.

ooo ooo oooo beds are coming tomorrow!!! 4 weeks till the big move round!!! and 9 weeks till he starts nursery eeep!!!! 11-12 weeks till missus arrives, i need more time!!!!!!!!! *faints*

Wheels are in motion

Bathroom painted - check
Beds ordered - check
Birth plan written - check
Blackout blinds up - check
Cupboard under the stairs tidied - check

the really big tidy up? ah well yes, thats still in its planning stages, Abbies room is tidy (ish), Harry's doesnt really need a lot doing to it, so once the big move happens then i can really crack on, with it. I try to keep on top of the kitchen but I swear the crap in there breeds!

Its my birthday soon, and hopefully going out for a meal, to the Fortune Star, not sure what i'm going to have for starters, but i'm having the sizzling beef cantonese style and boiled rice for the main course and I dont think i will have room for a pudding, I'm back at the GD clinic before then so will have a word with Paul about how much insulin to have, i'm reckoning about 25 units.

12-13 weeks before bubbie arrives, and i'm getting quite excited about it now, can wait to meet her and see what and who she looks like, and more importantly, does she look like a Phoebe, as i have totally fallen in love with that name and i cant think of what else we could call her. I try really hard to stop myself thinking of her as a Phoebe, but I cant help it, watch this she will end up as something totally different come delivery day!

updates and rude people on buses

25+3 - Bubbie is VERY active, does this girl ever sleep?? nope I think she is taking lessons from Harry, she is growing well, not to sure how well to be honest, wasnt measured or anything at my last appointment, so roll on 9-jul-08 for a growth scan and appointment, I am also going to request the 19th Sept as an induction date ( will be 38+6 then) and its a friday so it gives me the weekend to sprog and get my head round things before the school run on the monday.

Potty training - no further forward really, put him in pull ups he will wee in them, put him in undies, if the potty is in sight he takes them off and wees in the potty, no potty in sight he wees in the undies, not really confident enough to try a trail run anywhere with undies on as he is not telling us he wants to go, and like I just typed, if there is no visual prompt of a potty he just wees where he stands. On the whole i think its starting to click into place, but I have finally got my head round that its his schedule we are on not, mine or starting school or his daddies either. We are seeing his nursery teacher soon, so will broach the subject with her then, and i know it would be better for him to be dry sooner rater than later but if he is not ready its not going to happen.

And finally rude people on Buses! yes you, you foul mouthed woman on the bus home this morning, talking really loudly on her mobile phone and the language, the air was f*cking blue ( did you see what i did there?) F this and F that, bear in mind that the bus was full of old biddies and people with under 4 year olds, no bloody decorum or consideration, now dont get me wrong, i enjoy a good swear as much as the next person ( this depends of course if the next person is Ozzy, then maybe not that much!!!) but there is a time and a place for the more fruity aspects of the queens english and on a packed bus is not one of them!

Blah, Blah, Blah

okay stop the world, I want to get off - I just need a minute or 20 to catch my breath, Im shattered and i cant think straight.

everything is milling round in my head and i cant get any peace, Potty training is a major source of angst and pressure at the moment, so far this morning Harry has pissed on the couch at around 7ish this morning, he was then dry till we come back off the school run, asked him if he needed a wee NO! put him on the potty anyway huge wee follows. two further wees on the potty Then he had a wee while i was crying down the phone to my mum, he toddled off into the kitchen, stopped ran back to his potty stopped and had a wee!!! YAY!!!!! he was trying to hi-5 my mum down the phone which was sweet.

Since then he has parked his arse on the potty, wandered off, stood over the potty and peed on the floor, then started screaming when i asked him to sit down or if he wants to try standing up then go to the toilet, peed in the potty and then put his cars in it ( never even said that he had done anything he usually does) and then just sat there next to the potty and weed on the floor, its getting to the point where im getting ratty with him, and shouting which is no good for me or him, ithink i am gonna give up for the day and put him in pull ups till tomorrow, i have cried enough today ( including in the school yard this morning) and im worn out with it

Mum thinks i'm getting depressed again and wants me to go to the drs, they wont do anything so there is no point, Im tired, still not fully over the sinus infection, and just feeling very pressured to get harry potty trained as I know i havent got the luxury of time and other people arent helping with that and are making me feel more pressured as they keep on pointing out that we havent got time and its not going to happen like we need it too, Harry isnt gonna twig over night, its not fecking humanly possible to force a child to be toilet trained if they are not ready for it.

He is on the potty now watching Mickey Mouse clubhouse, and after that he is back in pull ups and will stay that way for the rest of the day, as im just getting more and more wound up and thats not good for baby boo on board, if i'm in the house he can run round in the nudey, if i need to crack on with jobs upstairs then he goes in a pull up, if we are out and about he is in a pull up, and if anyone has any objections to that - they can go forth and fornicate!

What a day!

So it didnt get off to the best start ever! Harry the Woo up at 04.56, managed to put him back to bed with books and finally had to get up with him at 06.03.

Trailed everyone into town for mine and Stew's eye tests, only to find out the woman had told us tuedays the 27th but had actually put them down for tomorrow, not impressed, Stew was seriously not impressed, so we all flounced out flicking our hair as we went, i did however ring back this afters and remake the appointments for friday morning, it would be daft not to as they were £5.00 each, saving us about £26.00.

This afters we had the second part of the anomly scan, appointment was 3.40 and didnt get in till 4 ish, cue harry being harry and me and stew falling out as we were both telling him off.

It was worth it as Abbie was very excited to see the scan, baby is perfect, very active and we are having a little GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!

Abbie is very happy to be having a sister, I nearly cried, I wanted another girl mainly to hopefully avoid middle child syndrome, whether or not it will work, i have no clue.

I rang mum, dad, and Margeret when i came out and they all sounded very pleased as well, feel a bit sad for Harry, he isnt that bad, just very active and a real handful - I just dont think I could have coped with another boy, I would have been too worried it would be like Harry, not that there is anything wrong with him, he just hits life head on, so roll on september ( just watch it will have a willy when it pops out LOL)

crap, crappity, crap, crap

or how to describe how i feel in 4 words LOL

Good grief, I'm pathetic! i have a cold, I have snotter streaming and delightful green stuff coming off my chest everytime i cough *barf*, I am nearly wetting myself with every sneeze and the sides of my bump hurt with coughing and sneezing so much, oh i'm really enjoying being me right about now.

In other news 5 days to my re-scanning, so im thinking lots of open leggy vibes for the spud, abbie will be coming with us and she is so excited, its the first scan she will have been too, so I hope we can find out, it would be nice to have us all there.

Have just spoken to the parent education midwife, she does a 3 hours breastfeeding workshop, so i have the 1st set of dates , will see if I can go to any of those, but I think I may have to leave it till later July / Aug time with the kids and school runs and stuff, I am actually doing something pro-active towards breastfeeding, Im excited, and scared all at the same time, what a goonberry honestly *rolls eyes*

That reminds me i need to see if I can find an article online from last months practical parenting, best do that now before i forget

Today, I am mostly wearing ranty pants

*B*A*D* *M*O*O*D* *A*L*E*R*T*

Geez louise, do I feel crappy, the cough from hell is back, so tena ladies a go go, I'm coughing that much its making me retch ( watering mouth almost to the point of vomitting) and its teamed with the heartburn from hell.

On top of which Harry, my little darling boy, my light of my life decided that he would get up at 1.45am, 2.40am, 3.20am, 4.00am and then finally 4.10am at which point he conked out and the slept till 7.30 ( GIT!)

I feel like shite, and so very very low, and the black thoughts are rolling in, mainly about breastfeeding, if i cant cope with Harry getting up thru the night, how the blue blazes am I going to cope with a newborn possibly feeding every 2 hours???? I know it will be different in that Im not going to be pregnant, and i suppose i can catch an hour or so after the school run, but i'm just so so scared that the PND will come back<>

The merits of breastfeeding appeal to me big time, the benefits to the bubbie, the conveinence of it, the costs involved (none).

I'm just so scared of being a failure again, I failed the other 2 and i so want this one to be different, and i'm determined that this one will be different, if i keep saying it over and over then I should believe it, just need to kep on top of my negative inner bitch and we will be fine!

Arseburgers!!!!

was at the GD clinic today, had a few questions answered then found out that this pregnancy will more then likely leave me with type 1 diabetes ARSE!!!!!!!!! I knew that there was a risk of type 2 somewhere in the future, but this has kinda floored me. It turns out that i have an insulin deficiency so wether or not i come off insulin after delivery remains to be seen, The Dr said I will be the exception to the rule if i do managed to come off insulin, so to get used to all the injections and monitioring, he even went so far to say that i possibly could have been diabetic before i got pregnant, because of how early i was diagnosed, and how soon i was on insulin this time round, and my underactive thyroid.

Ah well just another sazzle saga *rolls eyes*

Who says wishes dont come true????

Okay I have been thinking about this a lot, yesterday I was gutted as we couldnt find out wether the baby is an Arfur or a Marfa, Today, im not so gutted TBH, I think because this was Stewb's first and probably only scan, I wanted it to be perfect for him and he wanted to know the sex more than I did, I really wanted a surprise this time round with this one being third and final! I will admit if we found out, I wouldnt be gutted BUT a part of me still wants the surprise, but I think knowing what we have would make the naming process a lot easier, and i can start getting little bits

Blimey I sound confuddled dont I!?!?!?!

But my resolve is this, if on May the 27th 2008 @3.40pm, spud, still has its big old feet in the way, we will wait until delivery day BUT i will be slightly worried that it might actually have its foot growing out of its bum!

Sleep boy sleep!!!!

Harry definately thinks sleep is for wimps, he was up 6 times in 2 hours in the early hours of yesterday morning, and he decided that 5.45am was a good time to get up today GGRRRRR, Harry i love you very much, I would love you even more if i got a full nights sleep.

On the upside of being awake early, Stew took Harry downstairs just after 6 so i got to lie on my side and not have someone snoring in my face, and i must have been squashing the spud, because he/she soon let me know, a good couple of minutes of being kicked YAY, it was the most movement i have felt in a while, and its so reassuring.

mean while in 4 days time we will hopefully not have a shy baby and know what we are being blessed with!

I got my blood work back from the madwife appointment i had on friday, my thyroid function has dropped from 19.3 to 16.7 and mt FBC has dropped from 13.8 to 11.7, I know the range for fbc is 12-15, so by my reckoning i'm anaemic, I have an appointment at the hospital on Tuesday and hopefully i will come away with a prescription for more thyroxine or iron, either way i need something, im absolutely shattered

pro-activiness ( is that the word??)

right......after the whinge of yesterday! I am taking control and making plans, i am going to measure up in the kids bedroom, and look at realistically what we can fit where, i want these for their bedroom
http://www.homebase.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?langId=-1&storeId=20001&partNumber=6619615&c_3=3%7Ccat_9577568%7CChildren%27s+beds%7C9577571&c_2=2%7Ccat_9576997%7CChildren+and+nursery%7C9577568&c_1=1%7Ccategory_root%7CFurniture+and+Homewares%7C9576997

plan is their drawers and toys can go under the beds, so technically when you walk in the room you see 2 midsleepers and 2 wardrobes and thats it! and hopefully there will be a little bit of floor space left ( not that they actually play in their rooms).

The beds they have now, will go to my mums, the little bed she has for Harry will go in the littlest room with the cot for the baby, hopefully nipper will be in our room for a while, unlike noisy flappy harry who lasted all of 3 weeks *rolls eyes* and if the littley is up during the night i can always kip on the little bed in the same room, right i suppose i need to get measure to make sure all this can actually be a reality.

I am planning to put the kids in the same room at the beginning of the summer holidays, so if he wakes early and she wants to sleep on she can do, then they have 6 weeks to get used to it before school and nursery starts

I also have some more tidying jobs planned for today as i need to feel like i have achieved something today other than sitting on my arse being angry with everything! so will be back later to let you know how much i have knocked off the list!

and im also planning to blog everyday where i can, i cant believe how much better i feel for talking to Jo and blogging the crap out of my head!

on the advice of a good friend........

..........and to stop my head imploding, im adding to my blog again.

Its a typical Saz whinge but i have to get it out of my brain as its driving my crazy.

My thoughts are going a mile a minute, is the baby going to be okay?, is it another boy?, will it be like harry if it is?, will we cope?, will i get Maternity Allowance?, how the hell are we going to fit 3 kids in to shoebox bedrooms?, are mid sleepers the way to go? is that pain spd coming back? will i be left diabetic this time round?, why cant i get as good a control as I would like? can i potty train Harry in time?, what is Abbie going to do if the scan shows the baby is a boy? how is harry gonna cope with a baby? how am i gonna cope with harry coping with the baby? how will harry settle at nursery?, and will he be okay as the baby is due 3 weeks after he starts nursery? What the hell are we going to call the baby?

these worries fill my head every waking minute, and my sleeping minutes are disturbed with leg cramps and the need to pee.

I feel horrid at the moment, i feel everything is my fault, i should be able to put these things right, and i cant,i thnk i have cried everyday for the past 3 days, i feel so sorry for Stew, he comes home from work to 2 whingy kids and a stressed out hormonal wife, some days i think he doesn't want to come home, i cant blame him, i wouldnt want to come home to that either.

I'm so worried about getting the depression again that i think im pushing myself towards it, and i dont know what to do to stop it, i feel quite lost.

I know it will all fall into place it has to and it always does, but it doesnt stop me stressing along the way, i really think i need to get a grip or a life, or mebbe both , who knows??? I certainly dont!

toddler bladders and all associated trauma!

can some one please tell me why i thought it would be a good idea to try and day train Harry while night training Abbie???

Ab's bless her has been really good, today was the first day she had woken up wet in 14 days ( only 7th without a dry nite on), i think she wet because she went to bed later than usual and she was in a DEEP sleep when i went to lift her, so the water proof sheet is on the line and i'm praying the rain we had this morning doesnt come back!

Harry was brilliant yesterday, at playgroup H told carol he wanted a wee and he did a big wee on the toilet, today i decided to try him in underoos, so kept asking him and asking him and he never told me when he wanted a wee, so stuck him on the loo a few times and he did wee, he was doing really well, then he wee'd on the couch, then all over the floor and himself, he didnt even bat an eyelid, so have called it a day for today and will try another day, when he is more interested and i'm less tired and stressed

I'm slipping

i can feel it, and i cant stop it - i just cant fight the tiredness anymore, it takes me all my time to lift my arms some days, i just want to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep some more.

Im battling with Harry at the moment and its horrible, he is either ignoring me so i have to shout to get his attention or he is running round screaming cos he cant get his own way, i have a threenager, and its horrible, im just battling with him all the time and i just want a break, i am trying very hard to choose my battles but its not happening, everything is a battle with him.

on the up side, Abs had her first dry night without a nappy on last night, i'm so proud of her :0)

arrggghhhhhhhhh

i feel crap today, one large brooding hormonal mess, i just want to curl up in a ball and hide - Abbie fell over crossing the road this morning - why dont kids listen when you tell them not to run when crossing the road?????? luckily she landed on the pavement, and gave herself a bit of a fright, so off to school with mucky knees.

Harry screamed all the way home from school today, first off as we weren't walking the way he wanted too, then coss he couldnt walk with Nate, then screamed even more when Emma and Nate caught up with us, the boys were bickering and then started slapping each other - he is so contrary at the moment and its driving me crazy.

opened my gob too soon

My blood sugars are going really well she said, Im finding things so much easier now she said, so why the bloody hell did i just get an 11.3mmol off a small cheese bun,apple hot x bun and a yogurt????? arseburgers i forgot the bloody crisps i had too, should have had more insulin, but i was sodding hungry, i will put money on this baby being a boy, I was stunningly hungry with H as well, we will find out soon enough 1.40 on the 12th may.

I say im not bothered about what i have, and im not as long as they are happy and healthy, that is all i care about, so why oh why do i find myself wanting a little girl??? when i thought about having another little person, i thought it would be fantastic to have another little girl , so it would go girl -boy- girl, thus missing out middle child syndrome ( which worries me greatly), but i really really do think this one is another boy, and quite frankly that scares me, dont get me wrong, I love H with all my heart but he is hard work, he gets up really early, is on the go from morning till night, and generally runs me ragged, I love him so much it hurts but i do wish he would take his foot off the accelarator sometimes, I have to assess everywhere we go to see if its H proof, i spend so much time stressing about taking him places, everyone loves him so much, but i can tell they are secretly glad that he is not theirs.

he is a flying headbutt full of Love!

arseburgers!!!

I got the phone call and im heading to the clinic tomorrow to see about getting some insulin, I know its the best thing for me and the baby, but AARRRGGGHHHHHHH!

sodding carbohydrate!!!!!

So here i am 12+1 weeks pregnant and heading for insulin, i am gutted, i worked so hard to lose weight, and i still cant control my sugar after eating anything carb based - I knew this was a possiblilty if i got pregnant again, but i thought i would at least get to 6 months before it all kicked off again. So here i am waiting for a phone call from the diabetes specialist nurse, i think it could be that i developed impared glucose tolerance last year, really pissed at that one, i lost weight and still got it GRRRRRR

on a up note, Abbie has gone back to school after being off since last tuesday, she is feeling much better, still has a 40 a day cough though, but im sure that will just go in time *crosses everything*

Abbie is very excited about the baby, just hope she will still be as excited when it gets here, Harry couldnt care less, his days are full of being happy, having drinks and gibisses and generally hitting life head on, im hoping against hope he calms down a smidge before spud arrives in Sept, ah well a girl can dream can't she ???????